What is it like to date in a bedroom community like Westchester?
Here, for your amusement or alarm, depending on which side of the fence you fall on, is a completely unscientific look at what is going on between eligible men and women between the ages of 25 and 50 who are looking for an attachment in the land of the attached. According to U. Census figures the most recent available, women andmen between the ages of 25 and 50 live in Westchester. Of those, 68, 36 percent are women who have never married or are divorced or separated, compared to 60, men 35 percent who fall within the same category.
The men have a slight edge, at least as far as the s are concerned. Are potential partners able to meet each other with relative ease? Is there a whole lot of fun going on out there? In talking to singles, a few patterns emerged, and there was one point on which nearly everyone agreed….
Meeting Places. Both men and women agree that there is a dearth of choices where singles can mingle in Westchester, which is why many head to Manhattan or Connecticut.
In fact, a few women cited steakhouses as a good place to meet in general. Most everyone agreed that dance clubs like Chrome and The Thirsty Turtle are primarily for twentysomethings who are looking for a good time more than a soul mate. The two repaired to her Jetta to consummate their new friendship before returning to the dance floor.
Sharon, a year-old teacher who lives and works in Yonkers, says she went to the Sports Pub in White Plains with a girlfriend during the World Series. We went out on a couple of dates, but it fizzled.
Time is also a problem. Men more than women talked about meeting the opposite sex whenever and wherever, perhaps because men still tend to be the aggressors when it comes to making that first move.
Tom, 38, a divorced father of an eight-year-old and a service consultant with a car dealership, also stays open to opportunity wherever it presents itself. I just let things happen.
Easier said than done, according to year-old George, an insurance agent with preppy good looks. I need a co-pilot!
Familiarity does seem to help. More than one person interviewed mentioned that running into the same person over and over, for example in a shared apartment building or at the local dry cleaner, could lead to a potential love connection.
Lisa, 32, an administrator with a venture capital firm who lives in Mamaroneck, says this is how she met her current boyfriend. After the third time, we started talking and realized we knew some of the same people. While meeting in such a natural way has its appeal, it probably does not happen as often as many people would like. The couple were friends for two years before they started dating; they became engaged last Thanksgiving.
Most of the people interviewed for this story had at least tried online dating, with Match. While meeting people in cyberspace has its advantages, it also has its limitations.
On the other hand, it is very hard to predict whether there will be chemistry when two people actually meet, no matter how compatible they may have seemed online. But after that, forget the questionnaire approach.
Be broad-minded and open to new people. Of course, some people do find love on the Internet. Janet, 28, scouts film locations for a production company in the city.
She recently ended a six-year relationship and started dating again by being set up through friends. A three-month courtship via phone and e-mail finally ended in a first date. Joe, 36, of Yonkers, says his experiences with online dating have run the gamut, from satisfying to bizarre.
All I expected to see was her smiling face. Another asked if I was into bestiality. Online dating can clearly be hit or miss, but there is one aspect of the for-pay dating sites that is very popular, particularly with women.
The women sit, the men rotate every three minutes, and, if there is a mutual interest, they can get together. Gina, 33, a never-married attorney in White Plains, says she went to one of these events in Tuckahoe and had a couple of dates as a result. Whatever drawbacks exist online, it remains a popular option.
Before delving more deeply, let it be said that there are certainly men and women in their twenties, thirties and forties who do want to settle down into a relationship that could lead to marriage. They can be bitter with a lot of baggage.
Sharon, the year-old teacher in Yonkers, has a different story to tell. A year-old guy wants someone Maybe they go for younger women because they feel women their own age are too independent, or it makes them feel younger.
According to Rich, 49, an importer in White Plains, this is wishful thinking. James, 44, a divorced dad who works for the federal government, agrees with that assessment. Even younger men accuse some women of being gold diggers.
But what they really want is a very good-looking guy with the right job, the right car, and the right apartment. What have you done to deserve such a great guy?
Vincent, 30, is a criminal attorney who lives and works in White Plains. His year-old friend Scott agrees.
In fact, women looking to settle down frighten him. How soon sex happens is obviously a question of individual taste.
According to a Passion Poll on Cosmopolitan. By the second or third date, however, slightly more than 21 percent said they were game.
He got the message. Otto Vondrak, 26, a graphics deer who lives in Harrison, also says it depends on the woman.
How do divorced parents fare in the dating game? The Westchester chapter of Parents without Partners is quite active, offering a slew of monthly activities for parents with and without their children. I ed the organization to meet friends, and I did—and also this new guy.
After his tests were finished, he showed up at the dance. First, there are babysitter issues. Those with older kids worry about leaving them alone at night.
Others are too pooped to party. Except, perhaps, to reflect on the words of an optimist such as year-old Larry, a divorced social worker and father of one son in Hartsdale.
Deborah A. Wilburn is a White Plains, New York-based freelance writer. Partner Content June 12, Wilburn What is it like to date in a bedroom community like Westchester?
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